Don't Think Linearly- Think In Reverse
The human brain is wired to think logically and two dimensionally. A causes B. X action yields Y result. To the human mind, the world is a complex system, to be sure, but we tend to want to simplify it down to such a way that makes sense to us, otherwise the sheer information overload would break our brains. Seeing everything in black and white is much more conducive to having control in an unpredictable and uncontrollable world, which is what we so desperately crave. Seeing gray and all the shades in between is far too messy, and that doesn’t help our innate programming. That’s the thought, at least.
But being an actualized human being (or übermensch, as Nietzsche called it) requires going against the grain. Think about it- it’s likely that your most significant eras of growth came in times of discomfort. A one point or another, things probably started falling into place in your life when you loosened the reins a bit and decided to let things play out on their own. This paradoxical relinquishment is known as the Backwards Law. If this idea seems mystical, it’s because it has roots in Oriental spirituality. This concept was brought to the public by Alan Watts, a 20th century self-proclaimed “philosophical entertainer”. Watts brought many Eastern ideas from Taoism, Zen Buddhism, and Hindu Advaita Vedanta to the West.
The Backwards Law was again repopularized in the recent self-help bestseller The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Author Mark Manson paraphrases the law:
Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience. Accepting a negative experience is a positive experience… pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.
So it’s not exactly a recent psychological breakthrough that the mind doesn’t function in the most optimal way to give us peace, and that, in fact, some active action is required on our part to go against our natural programming for the better. If this idea— going against our own biological hardwiring— sounds farfetched, just remember that you probably do it way more than you think. When someone cuts you off and the road rage kicks in, do you chase them down and unleash your anger on them? Probably not- you get pissed off for a second, then realize that following your instincts in a situation like this could lead to an even worse outcome.
Another example: when you get a sudden craving to eat some unhealthy food, do you absolutely indulge yourself until you get sick? Again, probably not. Despite your monkey mind demanding more, more, more, you likely satisfy the urge by eating just a bit, then rely on self-control and better judgment to stop despite knowing that you could easily keep going.
Remember: although our brains are incredible computers, they do not always have our best interests in mind. They’re hardwired for times long ago and not always for the demands of life today, as outlandish as that may sound. Our ancestors had to exact revenge on someone who wronged them in order to demonstrate power and not be ostracized by the group. They had to eat as much as possible all at once because who knows when they’d have the opportunity again (chapter 2 of Robert Wright’s Why Buddhism Is True goes into further detail on this).
Perhaps the easiest way to see how the Backwards Law manifests is money. Here’s a person we all know: always chasing the next dollar, always looking for the next lucrative hustle, always hedging their wealth on stocks or crypto or reselling, basically doing anything to make more money even if they’re already decently well off. The truth is, there are actually multiple studies that suggest that earning above a certain amount (one such figure being $75,000) does not significantly lead to greater happiness and overall wellbeing. At some point, chasing more money hardly does anything except make the one chasing feel poorer.
The same goes for beauty. Always striving for a more perfect face or body leads to dissatisfaction over how one currently looks, even if they already have an attractive appearance by societal standards. That’s why so many gym goers suffer from body dysmorphia; their original insecurity and primary motivator of not looking good enough stays with them throughout their fitness journey, and that’s why they continually strive to get bigger despite their already incredible physiques. After all, perfection is an asymptote. People wouldn’t pursue something if they felt that they weren’t lacking it in the first place.
There are a million smaller examples of this in everyday life: fighting against drowning will make you drown quicker. Trying to get too much done in a day means not much meaningful work gets done at all. Attempting to please everyone leads to pleasing very few. Chasing happiness makes it all the more elusive and harder to attain. Trying to quiet your mind makes it even louder.
Again, this paradoxical way of thinking is not easily adopted by our brains. Logically, it makes no sense that relinquishing control can actually lead to greater feelings of control. Like I mentioned earlier, control is the one thing that our brains use to cope in an absurd world, so of course it will do everything it can to convince you not to give it up.
So keep the Backwards Law in mind. Don’t think linearly- think in reverse, or at least reframe your thinking to achieve desired outcomes. Stop seeking peace as a goal in itself and it will arrive when you settle other matters (the same goes for success). Stop trying to be in control of every situation and see how real control manifests. Accept feelings of solitude and you’ll feel more at ease being alone. Resist loneliness and you’ll be miserable. Stop fighting the waves and learn to ride them. Drop any rigorous notions of how you think you “should” be and realize how acceptance of who you truly are arrives.
(I realize how contradictory this last point may sound coming from a self-improvement newsletter, but my aim is not to change anyone, per se. My goal is to provide awareness of the potential we have to be our best selves, and I don’t think that that’s identical to telling you what you need to do to improve. Take everything I say into consideration and use only what you feel works for you.)
As we progress along the spiritual path, we will need to unlearn many things we once held true, and then learn new truths that are the complete opposite from anything we ever expected. We realize that life is not a straight line- there are highs, lows, loops, u-turns, and a whole messy array of distinct paths. Our experience is a deeply personal one, and we will face obstacles that challenge our ways of thinking and force us to adapt sooner or later. My advice is to flow with the rhythm of life, operating where you can and resting where you can’t. Adapt your mind to be flexible and yielding to the things that come our way, and intertwine intention and effort with it.
actionable prompt:
Recognize the area(s) in your life where you perceive to be lacking. This could be relationships, money, self-esteem, life satisfaction, you name it. How can you reframe your perspective from one of lack to one of abundance?
Example: if you feel that nothing seems to be going your way in life lately, write down five things that are showing up for you consistently.
Thanks for reading,
Alan
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