Meditating on a Heart Full of Love

The ultimate form of selflessness

The Confluence of Souls, Max Svabinsky, 1896

Meditation has historically been a tool for me to re-center myself. I find that I engage in it most when I am in less than optimal states— anxiety, shame, guilt, frustration. Today’s session was no different, and I sat down to ease the turbulence of my mind and spirit.

But in an instant, that shifted.

I had my headphones in, listening to ambient sounds, when I was alerted of a notification from a dear friend of mine. I should mention that this friend and I don’t speak super often, so hearing from her is always such a pleasant surprise. As soon as I heard my phone read her name, my heart immediately fluttered. The negative state I entered the meditation with was immediately replaced with a sensation of immense love and gratitude. I felt so thankful to have a friendship with such an incredible person, and equally motivated to continue showing up in the future being the best version of myself I can be.

But the love, the sheer amount of love that sprouted for her was nothing short of grand. I felt myself wishing her the best in these stressful times she is experiencing, I felt myself sending her gratitude for being such a dear friend, and I felt myself sending her love for being such an authentic and kind spirit. In these moments, I only wanted peace and happiness for her.

I will admit that I do have a bit of a crush on her, but beyond that, it is primarily a desire for her absolute wellbeing. If that manifests without me in the picture, then I am more than yielding to sacrifice my feelings.

Something peculiar happened after that, too— I experienced a sense of melancholy set in. I theorize that it probably had something to do with this overflowing of love that emanated from me. Though I directed it towards her (see loving-kindness/metta meditation for further reading), it felt like there were still massive reserves of affection trapped inside me with no tangible destination. Perhaps this is what it means when they say that love is pain; what’s worse than having no one to receive the most authentic thing you have to give?

I am a lover by nature. I chose to view the world and everything in it with a profound sense of appreciation, because to me, it’s nothing short of wondrous. How divine is it that we are not only able to meet others like us, but to come to know them on an intimate level? To strip away all the layers and forge a meaningful connection with them. What’s more, to have a level of love so deep for them where it transcends any sense of transactionality and you give without expecting to get back. To love absolutely and selflessly— THAT is one of the most exquisite sensations imaginable.

These kinds of social connections are rare, but when they come into your life, treat them like gold bars because they are absolutely invaluable.

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Love. The most primordial human emotion. Arabic views love as a spectrum with 11 stages. The Greeks had six words for different kinds of love. But no matter how much it is researched, analyzed, or classified, it is one of those sensations that simply must be felt to be understood— no amount of theory will ever amount to experience.

It is precisely this never-ending seeking that makes love so beautiful. Each experience is as varied as the people that are experiencing it. There is a reason why writers, musicians, filmmakers, and artists inevitably incorporate it into their work. The expression of love, no matter what it may look like, is the purest expression of ourselves. It is the boundless intersection between the human and the divine, where each meets the other perfectly. To love means to recognize something outside of yourself and to nourish it. It is to believe in possibilities, in shared experiences, in something unexplainable. It is to be totally and completely vulnerable without the guarantee of reciprocation.

To love is to yield.

Thank you for reading,

Alan

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